Popularity, Like, Totally Blows Anyway

I don't know why I'm suddenly so concerned about anyone seeing this blog. Frankly, the idea that someone I know reads this tirade of nonsense sends cold, steely fingers of fear snaking through the sinews of my soul (alliteration translator, he say: that's bad). But in my darkest moments, it does strike me as a tiny, tiny bit silly that I occasionally clatter away on my keyboard in a frenzied fashion for a few minutes, and no-one else in the WHOLE WIDE WORLD knows about it. At all.

It's not like I have anything much to say, I understand, and I'm fully aware that my writing style is based on what would happen if the brains of Mr Biffo and Charlie Brooker were blended together and the resultant mess repeatedly thrown against a wall until the splatter began to form some kind of legible characters, only bad - blame that on far too much Digitiser, Bubblegun and TV Go Home in my formative years - and also I tend to use 76 words when 1 will do, which I've just worked out is from having to write 1,500 word essays at uni when the underlying idea could be expressed in four (usually a variation of "I don't fucking care").

But it would be nice to have someone at least glance over here, even if it's to instantly surf away into undisclosed realms of internet pleasure elsewhere. I don't read any blogs, see, apart from the aforementioned Biffovision (there, my first ever link. Are you happy now?) and those big American ones, Gawker and all that. So I have absolutely no idea how to get people onto your blogs, short of scrawling the url in marker pen in the bogs of the Guardian offices, which a) I don't think they'd be very happy with and b) I bet someone's already had that idea.

Oh, I'm drowning in the meta of blogging that no-one reads a blog that no-one will read! Well, on the offchance that you're reading this, you are the first one ever. Ever, ever, ever. Gotta be worth something, eh? No? How about this? You win a PRIZE! Leave your address in comments and I'll send you something. Ha! That's bound to work!