Liveblogging Democracy In Painful, Ridiculous Detail

I once read in a silly magazine a silly article about Rules For Office Working, and one of them was something akin to this: 'Every work-related phone call must be concluded by a cheerful "Cheers then. Bye!", replacing the receiver and muttering under your breath "Wanker."' I mention this merely in passing. Who hasn't done it, eh? And who, my friends, would have known anything about it if it were not for the 24-hour hyperdriven news culture? This point I will come back to at a later date, because it's important.

Anyhow, here's the debate thingy. Let's have a look at it.

20:33 The three leaders at the podiums No! NO! PODII! have BBC written on their navels like nameplates. So now all I can think of is what those initials stand for in all their cases. Big Boy Clegg. That's it for now.

20:44 This is just so hard to listen to. The words are just sliding through my ears. All that can be said is Cameron seems to be on a bet to plug Mothercare in every single answer he gives. And he's got a baby on the way! Why aren't the papers picking up on this enormous nappy and chewy mobile backhander?

20:50 Waste! Taking money from mouths of babes! Why can't we all just get along! Dimbleby sarcastically repeating the question everyone is failing to answer! Repeat for the next 70 minutes. Someone streak, or something. Or question asker to whisper at the end of a question "Bigotsezwhat?"

20:58 Cameron suddenly takes the "I agree with Nick" meme and shoots it into the stratosphere by unexpectedly agreeing with Obama. Clegg now hoping to counter-attack by agreeing with the Norse God Odin.

21:04 The thing is, none of us, not one of us, unless we have doctorates in macro-economics, have the slightest clue about tax policy or deficits. So most voters will decide their party on the simple economic fact of "Will they take away my pound coins?" and "Is it going to cost me 10p more to buy some fags?" We should all just give up and go home.

21:18 Are the politicians really there to "serve us"? Or are they not there to basically run a massive bureaucracy that we all live within? I do really think that anyone who ever says "Well, what's the government going to do for me?" should shut the hells up. The government directly or indirectly give you free healthcare, collect your rubbish, ensure you've got parks to run around in, give you free schooling, runs a transport network, and helps you when you get mugged etc etc. We really don't have to do much for ourselves. Get a job, not spend everything we earn on iPhones, and try not to walk in front of buses.

21:37 I am so glad that they all believe in work. But really, hands up who actually knows of people who live off benefits because it's easier than working? Everything I've ever heard about the benefits system suggests it is nigh-on impossible to get any money without wading through incredible amounts of red tape and form-filling. This demon group of people that we are wasting all our efforts talking about just don't exist, surely.

21:58 The final statements are here. But yet again, it has gone right through my system like Shredded Wheat. It seems to come down to who you believe: each party claims that the other parties are pure unadulterated evil, and want to wilfully ruin the country. Apart from the Cleggles, whose whole argument seems to boil down to "Go on, give us a go. We're not entirely sure what we'd do either, but hey, at least it'll be a laugh, right?"

A new post, I feel...