Wednesday, November 05, 2008

You Heard It Here The 675th Time: Obama Is President

We will get you back to the regularly scheduled programme of whinging about opticians and light-to-middling stalking of writers and comedians shortly, but just one more comment on important current events that every single person in the whole world, and that is factually accurate, has dun a writing about.

I didn't get the chance to stay up and watch it in real time, unfortunately, but I've been wallowing in the coverage on BBC Breakfast this morning. It seems that the feeling of euphoria flowing from the streets of the US spread into the presenters, whose normal grating fake bonhomie was replaced by a genuine warmth and enthusiasm for the story. Hard not to, really, with the endless VTs of Americans screaming and crying with joy. I had the same gut reaction as do when I watch Graham Coxon come home at the end of the Coffee and TV video. Instant shedding of hot, salty tears of joy, as if I was cutting into the world's largest and happiest onion.

There is, of course, a danger in being swept up in the hype and fervour of the day, but I can categorically say this is the most important thing that has ever happened or will ever happen in the whole world and universe and I'm alive and everything, so take that, ancient ancestors. It's just so nice to be part of a genuine day o'history that's not about people gleefully blowing up other people. McCain was dignified, reminding us that, hey, he may not have been that bad a president, were it not for the insane whirling caricature of redneck America at his side. I feel slightly sorry for McCain, who (in my view, that of someone who don't know nuffink 'bout nuffink) seemed to be fighting a losing battle against his own supporters who never really liked him anyway, and sabotaged his message at every turn by bellowing about Arab Muslim terrorists and the like. And as for Obama's speech - he was so composed, so engaging and handsome, I absolutely refuse to believe he wasn't created in a petri dish by Aaron Sorkin. Somewhere in the background, his campaign manager was snogging his assistant, FINALLY. And then, blaring stately music!

I'm looking forward to the next 76 days, where Bush will presumably adhere to the ole' "Whaddaya gonna do, fire me?" defence, and steal all the paperclips from the office, order the destruction of Iran, and probably totally go home at 4:oo to catch DOND every day until January.

Oh, oh! Breaking news! Voting Machine Voted President:

The thing that you have GOT to love is, and always shall be, The Onion.

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