Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Grizzled-Oh And Whine (Geddit?!)

Here's what I'm all about at the moment:

1. Usually, I am so totally pro-Christmas, if you put an ear to the side of my head and listened to my brain at any point between October and January 3rd, you will just hear the faintest hint of sleigh bells, almost completely drowned out by a child's maniacal laughter. The songs, the presents, the tree, the disgraceful levels of booze, food and Deal or No Deal consumption, the fact that for a month before Christmas I am jangling with excitement so much that even the slightest emotional provocation, good or bad, will have me weeping like a wallowing willow, all that jazz. But this year, I am feeling very...strange. Gloomy. Uninspired. Not quite anti-Christmas, not really bah humbug, not yet "yes, Mariah, I realise that all you want for Christmas is me, and believe me, I would be rushing to your side in that fetid butterfly-infested puddle you seem to permanently loll about in these days if it would shut your mouth up for JUST ONE SECOND", but just not really caring at all about the whole shebang. What, and I hate to channel Seinfeld at such a critical time but sometimes you've just got to go with the lowest common cultural denominator, is up with that?

Luckily, before I have time to really have a good old think about this, the whole season will be over and 2008 will lay before me like a great unfettered field of dreams, bringing with it a whole new set of ridiculous non-neuroses and, if I really pull my finger out, five whole new blog posts.

2. If everyone in Argos followed the very simple rules of product dispersal, it would be a shopping utopia. Is this the kind of feeling the early Communists had?

3. Wait... Is it really wise to compare Argos and Communism?

Having now achieved my aim of writing a sentence (on the internet) no-one in the whole world (on the internet) has written before, I can now take my drooping eyelids and slight nausea to bed. Hooray!

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